Just for Kidding (3)

Sexual Excuse
Pupil: “Is sexual exhaustion can be an excuse for not doing this week’s assignment?”
Teacher: “No, you’ll just have to write with your other hand!”.

Sleeping
Man to wife on wedding night: “Are you sure I'm the first man you are
sleeping with?”
Wife: “Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!”.

Best Quality
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “your
sense of humor”.

Mistakes
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.

Dead Lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
A Ring
The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?".

Speaking Part
Kid: “dad, I got a role in the school play, I play a man who’s been married for twenty years”.
Father: “That’s great son. One day you’ll get a speaking part”.

Thinnest Book
Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What Men Know About Women
Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do better.

A Dancer
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
Second Opinion
Doctor to patient: “'You are very sick”.
Patient: “Can I get a second opinion?”.
Doctor: “Yes, you are very ugly too”.

Dead Elephant
A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.

Good And Bad News
Doctor: "I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "Oh no! then what's the bad news?"
Doctor: “I forgot to call you yesterday."

Cows
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!".

Snail
A snail walks into a bar and the bartender kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

A Bra
Wife: “Give me some money. I want to buy a bra”.
Husband: “Why? You have nothing to put in it!”
Wife: “Well, You wear shorts!”

Ten Pounds
Wife: “I just lost ten pounds!”
Husband: “Turn around, I think I found them”.

Speaking Part
Kid: “dad, I got a role in the school play, I play a man who’s been married for twenty years”.
Father: “That’s great son. One day you’ll get a speaking part”.