Just for Kidding (1)

Stupid Husband
A husband returns home to find his wife in bed with a naked man. “what are you doing”, he shouts. The wife replies to her lover: “I told you he was stupid!”.

Lawyers
Q: What do lawyers use as birth-control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Blonde's Pain
A blonde touches her knee with her finger and yells Ouch. The same with her elbow and ear. The doctor examines her and says: Madam, your finger is broken.

Bad News
A Doctor tells a patient: “I have bad news for you. You have cancer and Alzhiemer’s disease”. The man replies: “Well, thank God I don’t have cancer!”.

Man's Heart
“Any woman that thinks the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high”.

Blondes and UFOs
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Talking
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Punishment
Pupil: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Pupil: good, because i didn't do my homework.

Lawyers
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Psychoanalysis
Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.