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10 years ago
Monday, May 25, 2009
Jokes for All Situations
The Truth About Recession
This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the roadside.
He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.
He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.
His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.
But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs.
He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.
His sales and profit went up.
He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more.
He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.
He...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Maurice Druon by Tamer Youssef
Maurice Druon (April 23, 1918 – April 14, 2009) was a French novelist and a member of the Académie française. Born in Paris, France, Druon was the nephew of the writer Joseph Kessel, with whom he wrote the Chant des Partisans, which, with music composed by Anna Marly, was used as an anthem by the French Resistance during World War II. In 1948 he received the Prix Goncourt for his novel Les grandes familles. He was elected to the 30th seat of L'Académie...
Friday, May 08, 2009
Just for Men (1)
Bad Nuns
One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water...
Just for Men (2)
Not Enough Moaning
Morris came home and found his wife Sadie crying.
She said, "I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you're having
an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me?
I’ve always been a good wife. I’ve cooked for you, raised
your children, and have always been by your side for 35
years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"
Morris replied, "It’s true, Sadie, you've been the best
wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but
one. You never moan when we have sex."
Sadie said, "If I moaned when we have sex,...
Just for Women (1)
Pregnancy Advice
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea
'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.
'Actually, yes, I do.'
'Does it hurt you?' he asked.
'No. I rather like it.'
'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'
The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'
'Of course,' the doctor...
Just for Women (2)
Cosmetics Line
Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."
Pregnancy Question
A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit...
Just for Women (3)
Good Dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy,...
Just for Kidding (1)
Stupid Husband
A husband returns home to find his wife in bed with a naked man. “what are you doing”, he shouts. The wife replies to her lover: “I told you he was stupid!”.
Lawyers
Q: What do lawyers use as birth-control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Blonde's Pain
A blonde touches her knee with her finger and yells Ouch. The same with her elbow and ear. The doctor examines her and says: Madam, your finger is broken.
Bad News
A Doctor tells a patient: “I have bad news for you. You...
Just for Kidding (2)
Knocking
If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife knocking on the front door who would you let in first?
The dog. at least he would shut up once he is in.
How Did You Know?
A Woman in a store buys milk and bread.
Man at counter: “Bet your’e single”.
Woman: “Yes! You knew it because of what I bought?”.
Man: “No, your’e just ugly”.
Lightbulb
How many rednecks, does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb, and two to turn the ladder.
Keep Fit
Tommy- " Can you teach me to do the splits " ?
Gym Instructor- " How...
Just for Kidding (3)
Sexual Excuse
Pupil: “Is sexual exhaustion can be an excuse for not doing this week’s assignment?”
Teacher: “No, you’ll just have to write with your other hand!”.
Sleeping
Man to wife on wedding night: “Are you sure I'm the first man you are
sleeping with?”
Wife: “Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!”.
Best Quality
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or
my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “your
sense of humor”.
Mistakes
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's...
